Why am I here?
by Maela210
Summary: Short one-shot, Yue-centered fic, in which Yue contemplates his existence, some years after the end of the original series. Contains Yaoi (not sexual) Rated T, for thoughts about death Pairing(s): Yukito x Toya (mentioned) Sakura x Syaoran Li (mentioned) (With hints at potential Yue x Toya) As always: Reviews are welcome! :D (Part 2: "To find purpose" is now up! Check it out! :) )


**CardCaptor Sakura One-Shot Fic**

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(Hello! If you are reading this, it means you have decided to at least take a look at my story, despite the warnings. I'm glad! :D

This fanfic is originally meant as a one-shot, one of my first ever (I am SO bad at writing brief stories xD)

But who knows, maybe if I feel like it, I might return to it someday and write a bit more on it, as would be normal for me xD

Anyways, it is written from Yues' perspective and takes place some years after the Cardcaptor Sakura, original series.

I hope you enjoy and please review if you feel like it! Positive and useful feedback would be greatly appreciated! (^_^))

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It's late. I know I should be heading back inside, but the night is pleasant and enticing. I have moved to the roof of our building. The one which we moved into just a few weeks ago. No one else is out at this hour and even if they are, my illusions will make sure no one sees me.

I don't want to be seen. I'm tired, more so than usual, but I need fresh air. And I need to think.

Lately, I'm wondering about my existence. Why am I still here? My originally intended purpose is completed. I am no longer a Guardian for the keeper of the Clow Cards. In fact, the Clow Cards themselves are no longer.

They have all been changed in to Sakura Cards instead. And she has become so strong, that she no longer needs me.

By all intends and purposes, I shouldn't be here. So then, why am I?

Don't get me wrong. I do not wish to die. Not anymore. There was a time where death would have been a relieve to me.

In fact, I wanted nothing more than that.

The sweet forgetfulness, stillness and emptiness of death, would have been a blessing. It was easier than existing in any case, after what he did to us.

To me...

But that was all changed, when she defeated me and named me her friend. When he realized the truth and accepted it for what it was. When he gave up everything, for us.

In all honesty, I know he did that because of him. My false form. Yukito. He wanted him to live, and seeing as Yukito cannot live if I die, as things are now, he gave me every last drop of his magic, so that I could sustain us indefinitely.

I promised to take care of his sister, as well as myself, in return for them, and I have.

But now she, my Mistress, doesn't need me anymore. Her own powers have become far greater than they were back then, but I guess that was to be expected.

After all, everything which she went through at that time, was to ensure that that would happen.

And I am left like this, unsure of what to do with myself. I cannot live, without a purpose. So then, does this mean I am going to die?

She is getting married this summer. To him. The other cardcaptor. They are a good match. He too, has magic. He will be able to protect her well, in my place.

But what about me?

Originally, I was created as a companion.

Then, my existence was changed to that of a Guardian.

And then I became a friend.

He thought I would have become something more. But he didn't know everything. My heart didn't choose as he'd expected it to.

To begin with, I was confused about my true feelings. I didn't want to acknowledge that I could feel like that about anyone other than him.

But first, Yukitos' chose him. And then, with time, mine followed.

I never felt like that about my Mistress. I never felt for her, anything but friendship, though my promise to Toya forced me to get as closer to her as possible. To protect her.

But through the past years, I have started feeling that way, for him. I know that he can never return those feelings, because his heart belongs only to Yukito.

But I cannot change my own emotions, however unrequited they are.

And after all, it's not like I haven't tried this before. He never returned them either, my creator. Clow.

But to experience exactly that, yet again…

I sigh heavily.

A warm breeze caresses my skin and plays with my hair. I like it.

The wind is one of my elements, alongside water. Both have the ability to comfort and calm me.

Already, I can feel my head clearing somewhat, the dark thoughts growing less dim.

I lift my head and look at the stars. Though we are in the city, they are bright and as beautiful as ever.

There is barely a moon tonight. That, in part, is why I'm so tired. My phase will be upon me again in just a few days. The one where I will be at my very weakest.

I will need a Master then. And yet, I have none. Not really. Not anymore.

Anyways, there is only one I can accept as such, now that my feelings are, the way they are. Only one, whom I will acknowledge.

I'm never going to Judge again. That part of my existence is over.

But if I tell him the truth, how will he react? He's getting some magic back, slowly, but steadily.

Not that he would need it to become my Master. With what he has given me, I can form the contract utilizing my own magic, without him having to use any.

But will he accept it?

What if he won't?

I got through my phases before, without Clow being present, usually because Cerberus was there to keep me company, even as it wasn't in the way I truly desired, but he was there at least. I guess I would have to ask him for aid once more, if Toya says no…

But if I can accept that, then why am I so anxious?

…..

"Oi, Guardian… You up here?!".

His voice.

I rise and turn around to look in the direction from which it's coming.

He is there, standing near thedoor leading from the staircase on to the rooftop. And he is calling for me.

Not for Yukito. But for me. I let fly my illusion. There is no one else to see us anyways. And he looks at me, and smiles.

"So, this IS where you ran off to" he says, as he is approaching me. "I figured that would be the case". I remain where I am, silent and unmoving, arms down along my sides as I look at him.

He has reached me now. His eyes are locked on mine. I feel myself shiver under that gaze, which I have grown to love so, but I attempt not to show him.

"Toya" I say "were you looking for me?". He nods. "I was" he replies. "Has something happened?" I ask. He shakes his head. "No… But the apartment was getting kind of lonely. Yukito told me he was going out for a bit, but he doesn't normally want to leave in the middle of the night, so I figured it might have been you talking instead of him" he says.

I sigh. It wasn't me he was looking for after all. What had I been thinking… "My apologies, Toya" I say, face as perfect a mask as ever. "I needed some air. But I will return him to you now". I stretch my wings out behind me, preparing for the transformation, but a hand on my arm stops me.

I raise an eyebrow and look at him. "Toya?" I say questioningly.

He sends me a smile. One of those that can instantly make my stomach flutter and my heart beat faster.

"Why don't you… stick around for a bit?" he asks and my breath hitches in my throat, making my head feel oddly light.

"Did you not come here for Yukito?" I ask, when I can form a sentence again, though my heart is hammering fearfully in my chest. "If I say no" he says mysteriously "what would you do?".

I swallow heavily, as he steps impossibly closer to me, our faces mere inches apart now, but I do not speak.

He moves his arms and slowly, places them around my waist. And then… his warm lips lock with mine…

Tonight, I swear, I will talk to him. About everything…


End file.
